On Rejection: Tucker Leighty-Phillips
Hello everyone!
Welcome to another edition of On Rejection, our interview series where we make rejection a little less scary. I’m excited to bring you this conversation with Tucker Leighty-Phillips. His first chapbook, Maybe This Is What I Deserve, just came out yesterday. I’ve already read it and it’s lovely. Order yourself a copy here:
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Hi Tucker! Tell us about a time you experienced rejection.
I've always been a sucker for full-circle narratives and glorious returns, both in storytelling and in life. I love when a decorated athlete signs a final contract with the lower-division or small-market team where they started their career. I love when an old wrestler has one final match and the crowd chants "you've still got it!" as they take it all in from the center of the ring. I'm always looking for these moments in my life. How can I honor those who paved the way for me to succeed? How can I give back, or find ways to circle back in my life?
One of my long-held dreams was to be a Fiction Fellow at the college where I attended undergrad. When I attended school, I was pretty culture-shocked. I had just transferred from a community college, didn't quite know I wanted to be a writer, and was mystified by the atmosphere of a small liberal arts college. It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. I experienced some social unease, being in my late twenties and a Junior-year transfer at a college where everyone knew everyone. I was feeling out of place, so I turned to art and really found a home in writing fiction. I used every elective I could to involve myself with the creative writing department, interned at the literary magazine, and got to know the writers there on fellowship each semester. When I finished my Bachelor's and left for grad school, I made it a goal to return as a Fellow; completing the cycle, making space for the students like me, the ones out of their comfort zone, searching for something to find solace in. You know how this story ends--I didn't get my full-circle moment, only a form letter. And I was crushed!
How did you get over it?
It was heartbreaking at the time because I'd imagined it for so long. I had imagined walking up the stairs to the apartment reserved for fellows, placing the key in the lock and turning, and opening the door and feeling some sense of rejoicing. But I've since realized that you don't decide where the circle is drawn--we're having full-circle moments every day. Because I didn't receive that fellowship, I kept applying for things and was fortunate to receive a job offer for a nonprofit in my home state of Kentucky--which completes a larger, more emotion-filled, decade-long circle. The circle never ends on our command.
If you could go back and tell yourself anything right before that experience, what would you say?
I don't know that I would actually go back and tell myself anything. I don't think any sort of foresight would've benefitted me, which is a boring answer, but it's true! I think, at the end of the day, you have to remind yourself that you can't take rejection personally. I've looked at other opportunities that I was passed over for, and seen incredible work done by the person eventually chosen. Rather than saying "that's not what I would've done" in a brutish way, you can say "wow, they created something fantastic that I would've never imagined!" and hope that somebody, somewhere might be saying that about you.
Your chapbook, Maybe This Is What I Deserve, came out yesterday--congratulations! How did that book come about? How are you feeling now that it's published?
It feels amazing! And talk about rejection--MTIWID has existed in many iterations, each of which received its own slew of rejections. But I'm so happy to have landed with Split/Lip Press, a press I've long admired. And it feels really great to have it out in the world! I don't know how to put into words what an experience it has been--I've been really grateful for all the people from the many walks of my life to show up, snag a copy, and support me in some way or another. It's made me feel more connected to the world, in a strange way, to remember that all these people I love and admire, even if we haven't talked in years, are out there somewhere reciprocating those feelings.
What are you working on now?
Mostly raising a puppy, but I've also deemed this My Year of Interviews. I'm trying to read lots of new books and interview authors. Some recent ones I've loved have included Lindy Biller, Grant Faulkner, and Emily Hilliard. It's really fun to read a book you love and be able to engage the author directly. Highly recommend!
Yay Tucker!!