On Rejection: Chevanne Scordinsky
Chevanne talks about missing out on a job she wanted but trying again anyway
Welcome to the On Rejection interview series! Every other week, I’m inviting people from every walk of life to talk about their experiences with rejection and how they got over it.
This week we’re joined by Chevanne Scordinsky, who writes The Flare, which is all about short fiction, poetry, and personal essays. So excited to have her! Without further ado, enjoy!
This interview has been lightly edited for clarity.
Tell us about a time you experienced rejection.
I was working at an institution experiencing turnover in management. We had a lot of challenges with workflow and needed a new direction. The prospect of taking the helm excited me because I thought I had a lot to offer. When the opportunity for a management position came, I polished up my resume and applied.
The problem was, I wasn’t quite ready, just bold, and didn’t think I came off as a good candidate. I don’t think I gave favorable answers. But I did my best. I was rejected for the position soon afterward.
How did you get over it?
I went home and sulked. I was disappointed but I really thought they were wrong about me. I believed in my ability to examine a process and come up with solutions. I had already joined a staff group to look at some of the issues in the laboratory and brainstorm possible resolutions. I learned so much through this little committee and I was hungry.
I dug into that feeling of determination and thought, “I’ll show them!” I signed up to take 26 credit hours of a leadership course through my national certification board. It was expensive, but it was worth it. Even with a child who was about 2 and a half at the time, I got it done in 6 months. The position I wanted came up again on the job postings and I applied again.
I was much more confident that time. I had really looked at what I did wrong the first time and chose my words carefully. I felt more ready, more the part. I interviewed, not with a manager, but a director. I believed in myself and I was proud of how I did. That job went to someone else with more experience. At that time, I had no leadership experience. Two rejections for the same job in two years.
I had started to see that my mobility was limited and still dug into feelings of my own value. I knew I would die on the vine if I didn’t use all this potential. I got a third opportunity, but it was outside the company. I interviewed and realized how hard that job would be. But I had a choice: I could be comfortable, or I could grow. I chose to grow and resigned. I’ve been in my leadership position for 5 years and have done so many great things I would have never gotten to do had I chosen comfort.
But I had a choice: I could be comfortable, or I could grow. I chose to grow and resigned.
If you could go back and tell yourself anything right before or after that experience, what would you say?
If I could tell myself anything before joining my current position, it would have been to get a therapist. I carried so much anger, pain, disappointment, and frustration, that I think did a lot of damage psychologically. I hadn’t been a leader before and didn’t know how to handle a lot of things in a healthy way. I made mistakes, the biggest one of which was trying to atone for what had been done to me in the past. It’s the same thing parents do with their children. They go the opposite way to save their children from the trauma they experienced. But you can’t do that. You have to look at your team and adjust your managing style to bring out the best.
In the first year, I was getting injured and not healing. It was beyond burnout. I now have an amazing therapist who has really helped me find healthy coping mechanisms and discover the sources of my difficulties. I have gotten invaluable insight at our sessions that has, quite honestly, changed my life. I wish I’d started that process sooner. I could have enjoyed a lot more of my successes early on and been much more effective and organized.
Are there any stories about surviving rejection that you'd recommend?
Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of zombie movies! You are forced to do a lot of juggling of priorities and assessing risks. You must be aware of yourself, the people around you, and the environment. There’s heavy dependence on cooperation and honesty along with sacrifice. You survive by persisting, adapting, pivoting, and sometimes, drawing sharp boundaries. With a machete.
When I became a leader, I realized that a “no” was for so many reasons. It wasn’t personal. There may be a lot of other considerations to make. I’d rather try recouping, coming up with a plan of attack, and trying like hell to make it happen. I’m not framing from the rejection at all, but from what I’m doing to bounce back and try again. How am I getting past this really big obstacle?
What are you working on now?
I’m working on too many things! I’m trying to focus on completing work rather than spinning up a new tale. I have a short fiction story called “Of Dust and Dreams” which I’m really growing to enjoy. It’s about two people living in an unforgiving terrain with scarce resources and diminishing water. They might have a ray of hope. I’m working on parts two and three. More and more, my work is starting as little seeds that grow tall and strong.
My big project for this year, called “Ithaka”, will be a science fiction mystery about an interplanetary conflict sparked by a murder investigation. I’m excited and a little nervous. All I’ve learned in the year I’ve been publishing online, working with my writing group, and my editor will be put to the test. It’s real world-building in a way I have only entertained casually. There’s a lot of structure I’m still working out but still trying to remember it’s about the characters.
Thanks for sharing! Great phrase for a t-shirt: "I’ll show them!"