On Rejection: Ashley Rodriguez
I’m so excited to bring you all this interview with Ashley Rodriguez, who writes Boss Barista. Maybe I’m biased because I’ve worked in and adjacent to the coffee industry for 10 years (last month!) but I think that her podcast is one of the coolest ones on Substack right now. In May, Ashley interviewed me about my work for Go Fund Bean; it was a super fun discussion and you should give it a listen!
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Tell us about a time you experienced rejection.
I mean, pretty much every time I open my email. I don't pitch stories as much lately (mostly because I'm busy, not because I've suddenly broken into publications I've been pitching) but I feel like any time I pitch stories to major publications, I just get ghosted, which is really hard! It's hard to know what to improve upon when you're not getting feedback.
I was recently recommended for a digital marketing job, and I thought the conversation between me and the hiring person was going well—and I assumed (I should have asked more questions) they weren't talking to other people since I was recommended and we didn't go through a formal application process. But then the person asked me to draw up a sample marketing plan, which I spent hours doing, and then they told me they were going with someone else. I was pretty angry, but I also realized that I made a ton of assumptions, and I should have asked more questions and done more to protect myself and my time. It was pretty arrogant of me to assume this one pathway, and this experience taught me a lot about asking questions, drawing boundaries, and building in checkpoints in conversations about business and money to make sure we're all on the same page.
How did you get over it?
I wouldn't say I'm over it (I'm not — I'm kind of angry by the amount of free labor this person asked me to do) but I'm trying to focus on what I could have done differently and how this experience will shape me as a freelance writer and editor. But I'm trying to be gentle and remind myself that I couldn't have anticipated this. In terms of pitches and stories I send, I also have to remind myself to be gentle: that so much of what we put out into the world and experience resonates with people differently, so I try not to make a big deal in my own mind about what works and what doesn't.
If you could go back and tell yourself anything right before that experience, what would you say?
Probably to not think too much about things. I'm always surprised by how easy it is to get bogged down in details and thoughts of self-doubt, but the worst thing you can do is not try a thing—that's a guaranteed rejection. Also, it's okay to change your mind. Be clear about why — "this worked for me initially, but now no longer works," and then an explanation why is an acceptable response when you're feeling overwhelmed. Also, ask for extensions, clarification, feedback, etc...
Did your time as a barista inform how you think about rejection?
I'm sure it did. I think it reminded me that rejection is a feeling you get from other people, and you can never anticipate what they want or are looking for. Also, being a barista taught me rejection can be rectified. So many customers have come in being like, "I don't like this drink," or "this isn't hot enough!" expecting pushback, but whatever — make the drink again. Ask what they didn't like, and find a solution. I'm always surprised by how often this tactic diffuses tense situations or seems shocking to the person giving you a hard time.
What are you working on now?
Currently, I'm trying to make my newsletter, Boss Barista, profitable! It's not right now! Fun! I'm trying to get past my own self-doubt and feelings of worth because I can feel my heart racing every time I try to promote my work. I often feel unworthy, which I know is not true. It's hard being nice to yourself.
Thank you for sharing, Valorie! I loved being interviewed by you and loved having you on my show!
Love this interview - sobering and thoughtful. Good luck to Ashley in her future endeavors!