On Rejection: Abby Gardner
I’m so excited to bring you this week’s On Rejection interview with Abby Gardner, who writes We Have Notes, one of the best pop culture publications on Substack, for my money. (Check out “Your Guide to Being Horny for Joe Burrow” to see what I mean.) Her podcast was also recently named one of Vogue’s Best Podcasts of 2021! So happy to have you, Abby!
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Tell us about a time you experienced rejection.
As a writer, I feel like rejection is part of the job—and it comes in many forms. Like there are the little rejections of your choice of words or structure in a piece that your editor strikes through and wants changed. Or the pitch you thought was so brilliant and the response is a resounding chorus of crickets. Or the big job you didn’t get.
I think I’ve gotten a lot better at dealing with the smaller stuff as I’ve gotten older—though once in a while an editorial note can burrow its way deep into my brain and make me wonder why anyone lets me do this for a living. But it’s probably the jobs that have stayed with me. Every industry has their own process, but often in editorial you are asked to do some sort of “edit test” if you make it far enough in the process. This is often a very long and involved creative endeavor where you’re coming up with story ideas, possibly writing some, editing copy, giving notes about what you’d do differently in the role, etc. I’ve done ones that are pages and pages and pages long. It also gets you super invested and immersed in the role, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But it does make the sting of not getting it a bit more painful.
How do you get over these moments?
Initially, it’s probably drinks with a couple good friends where we bitch about what a terrible mistake they’ve made and list out all the reasons that job would have sucked. Basically, the same way you might rally for a friend who just got dumped or ghosted. But with a little perspective, I can usually see at least some part of the logic in who they actually hired, even if I still disagree with it.
I do try to apply some parts of the competitive mindset I’ve carried with me from the days when I was an athlete. I was a pretty hardcore swimmer as a kid and you’d usually have many, many races over the course of a weekend meet. You could miss a cut or a final, be in tears, and then have to race again in an hour. You have to find a way to compartmentalize and shake it off in that moment.
Also, I have a great therapist.
If you could go back and tell yourself anything right before or after that experience, what would you say?
It’s totally fine. Everything is going to work out and eventually you’re going to be happier than you ever could have been at that job…which was never the fantasy you thought it was in the first place. Just keeping doing you and actually be even MORE you than you think you’re allowed to be. That will help you get where you want to go faster.
Are there any big pop culture redemption moments that you think about when you're feeling down?
Friday Night Lights, always. Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose. A Coach or Tami Taylor pep talk can always make me feel better. Also, I oft think, what would Sydney Bristow [Jennifer Garner’s character on Alias] do? Syd went through it on that show and always figured out a way to keep moving forward.
What are you working on now?
I’m working hard on building and growing We Have Notes, the Substack and the podcast. I have a creative project I’m working on with a friend of mine that has me really energized right now. It’s in very early idea stages so nobody’s been able to reject it yet! And then, a couple book ideas in various stages that I have promised myself I’m going to really dig into this spring/summer.
You can follow Abby on Instagram and Twitter. Subscribe to her Substack below!
Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose. Pretty much my mantra when I'm down.
A good read--thank you for sharing your experiences, Abby!